All cats are Garfield, all dogs are Odie

Scene: last night, front room. Cat is on my lap, new dog is on floor.

DOG: I think you are really, really, like, cool! Can I be your friend?

CAT: Fuck. Off. Now.

DOG: I think I really, like, kinda love you. Let me wash your ears!

CAT: I MEAN IT! FUCK OFF!

DOG: Don't you like me??

CAT: HUMAN! I REQUIRE ASSISTANCE! NOW!!!

DOG: Look, if I just whuffle you a bit - I know you'll like it!

CAT: THIS IS INTOLERABLE! [WHALLOP!}

Dog retires, injured and whimpering.

Oh dear. Dog is now 2 years old, so if the cat lives, we have another 6 years, at least, to go through.