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A pat on the head for: everyone who organised this year's Druidic assembly, for doing an excellent job of it.

A smack round the kisser to: the Governor of Lewes Prison, for chopping down a stand of mature trees in order to protect his Ford Sierra from bird droppings. The person who is the nominal head of my druidic order protested, by banging on the door of the prison (always satisfying, he says), but was asked to leave by the police. He pointed out that the governor (who had not sought proper permission) had actually committed a criminal act, but the police refused to believe this. Later, they were instructed otherwise, and phoned to apologise, but added that they still couldn't do anything because the Governor, apparently, has some kind of governmental immunity. There goes any chance of seeing Blair in the Hague, in that case (she said, making a rather massive and possibly untenable judicial leap).

Statement of the day: "There's no such thing as bad weather. Only wrong clothes."

Wish of the day: It might rain and I hope it does. Everything around is parched and sere.
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