Mojo - half Rottie, half Collie, all nutter - has returned. This is the young bitch (in the canine sense) we looked after last year when her mistress broke her leg. Then T was diagnosed and Mojo returned to her home, but a week ago, her mistress called to say that she was going into hospital and could we have the divine Miss M for Xmas?

We have just collected her.

M: THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!

T: I think if we swing by Bristol, and pick up that stock....

M: THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!

Me: Fine - we can be back by half three.

M: THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!

And so on. On arriving home, my plan was to introduce Mojo and Sidney as gently and calmly as possible. Then I turned round in the yard to see a fleeing black figure pursued by a larger fleeing black figure. Sid shot straight up the birch tree to a height of some 20 feet and stayed there. He has been persuaded down, which he achieved - impressively - by swinging like Tarzan on a strand of virginia creeper.

Since then, everyone is in the living room. Mojo has had her nose swiped twice and been sworn at once, by a thing like a night-coloured firecracker.

Sid: What the HELL IS THAT???
Mojo: M: THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!! Will you play with me? You're my bestest new friend in the whole world ever!!!
Sid: WHAT THE HELL? [elaborately washes foot to demonstrate supreme unconcern].

But he has not run away. All 3 dogs are now engaging in 'who is dominant?' behaviour, all very tedious.